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I am now a full quarter of a century old, and I must say that I feel that this life has been wasted on me. Honestly, I have done exceedingly little with my life to date but have a plan and things will hopefully change. You see, while I was growing up I had many dream jobs that I wanted to do. As a child these were steam train driver, astronaut and deep sea diver. I wanted to do all of these things because they were awesome, but alas it would seem that the very world was preventing me from fulfilling my dreams. Steam trains had been replaced by diesel and electric ones so that was not to be and my faulty brain meant I had epilepsy, so that was astronaut and diver out the window. I can see who this would make me unsuitable for these roles, just imagine if the life support on the space station was down and I had to go fix it but at the critical point, just as I was about to save everyone's lives I had a seizure and while I was flailing and twitching in my space suit the other astronauts could just watch in horror before suffocating to death. This can also apply to diving if you replace space with water. Still, I found it unfair. So after a number of years of having no dreams for the future I finally found some that could not be thwarted by my crap brain. These were games journalist and hacker. Both of these careers were actually inspired by books I had read. Journalism was inspired by the great Hunter S. Thompson and his masterpiece Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. After reading this I wanted to be the maverick games journalist, writing crazy drug fuelled reviews of the latest computer and video games. The idea of being a hacker came about after reading the Sprawl trilogy by William Gibson. These three books are equally brilliant and paint an awe inspiring dystopian future controlled by corporations where the lowly hacker is the anti-hero.
The first I actually took seriously, I studied journalism at university and even passed with an adequate degree, however it was in vain, for I was to be cast down again. You see in the journalism industry it doesn't matter how good you are at writing, all that matters is who you know. I literally spent years after I graduated writing articles and sending them in to websites, magazines and newspapers but nothing came of it. To pay the vast credit card bills I had run up in university I did temp jobs, all of which were crap and offered poor pay. I still haven't paid those cards off or escaped my overdraft but at least I have been trying. Anyway, with al hope of becoming a journalist failing I gradually became empty and just kept doing temp jobs like I enjoyed the suffering that they offered. I would work for a couple of months and build up a good stash of money, only for that to be drained in the following months as I looked for more work and then the cycle would start anew. This is no way for a person to live or even exist.
As I said though, I have a plan. You see I have one dream job left on my list: hacker. Now I am not saying that I going to be lurking online hacking into high security servers with a bunch of kids and saving the world from the evil businesses who wish to make a profit from creating a disaster, that would be creepy even by my standards (the hanging around with kids part that is). No, I am aiming to teach myself coding. Some say that I may be too old for this shit, but I don't care. I need to expand my skill base and something like this is perfect for me. I am use to sitting in front of a computer for extended periods of time and having little to no contact with other humans, so that aspect is covered. As for the actual learning of programming I have started to mess around with that and it seems ok, I reckon I should be able to pick up the basics fairly quickly so long as I don't get distracted and play games or anything. Of course now that I say that I'm going to get nowhere with it and fail on a major scale.
Before I go I feel obliged to point out that today is also International Landmine Awareness Day, so join me in handing out live landmines to all the good boys and girls in the world, nothing says awareness like a active landmine in the hands of a small child. Just be sure to tell them to hit it hard on the top to get the treats hidden inside!
The first I actually took seriously, I studied journalism at university and even passed with an adequate degree, however it was in vain, for I was to be cast down again. You see in the journalism industry it doesn't matter how good you are at writing, all that matters is who you know. I literally spent years after I graduated writing articles and sending them in to websites, magazines and newspapers but nothing came of it. To pay the vast credit card bills I had run up in university I did temp jobs, all of which were crap and offered poor pay. I still haven't paid those cards off or escaped my overdraft but at least I have been trying. Anyway, with al hope of becoming a journalist failing I gradually became empty and just kept doing temp jobs like I enjoyed the suffering that they offered. I would work for a couple of months and build up a good stash of money, only for that to be drained in the following months as I looked for more work and then the cycle would start anew. This is no way for a person to live or even exist.
As I said though, I have a plan. You see I have one dream job left on my list: hacker. Now I am not saying that I going to be lurking online hacking into high security servers with a bunch of kids and saving the world from the evil businesses who wish to make a profit from creating a disaster, that would be creepy even by my standards (the hanging around with kids part that is). No, I am aiming to teach myself coding. Some say that I may be too old for this shit, but I don't care. I need to expand my skill base and something like this is perfect for me. I am use to sitting in front of a computer for extended periods of time and having little to no contact with other humans, so that aspect is covered. As for the actual learning of programming I have started to mess around with that and it seems ok, I reckon I should be able to pick up the basics fairly quickly so long as I don't get distracted and play games or anything. Of course now that I say that I'm going to get nowhere with it and fail on a major scale.
Before I go I feel obliged to point out that today is also International Landmine Awareness Day, so join me in handing out live landmines to all the good boys and girls in the world, nothing says awareness like a active landmine in the hands of a small child. Just be sure to tell them to hit it hard on the top to get the treats hidden inside!
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